Oh, wonderful! I really like this extension of the idea that Narnia is not a country OF humans, but it is a country for a human (or humans) to govern and help hold together. I love how the theme of Beasts remembering is brought out, the way it is later in Prince Caspian, where we learn that four hundred years is nothing; they can keep hold of their ways for a THOUSAND years if they need to. And yes, of course goddesses understand about sisters. I love that part especially. :-)
I really like all the myriad threads of canon you've worked into this, from The Magician's Nephew all the way to The Last Battle. I confess I wanted the Pevensies to realize that the Lord Digory from the creation myth was Professor Kirke, but of course they had no way to make that connection until they returned to England, since I doubt Digory and Polly ever used their family names in Narnia. (And it occurs to me now that that must have been a fascinating conversation, when they realized that the kindly if absentminded and distant professor who took them in was the same legendary figure who was responsible for bringing Jadis to Narnia. But that is very tangential to your story, sorry.)
I enjoyed seeing the first proper meeting of Susan and Lambert, as well as Peter's introduction to Dalia and Merle as a youngster. You also make the relative ages of the siblings quite clear, with Peter and Susan having most of their reference points back in England, Edmund kind of half and half, and Lucy treating Narnia as her only normality.
I could go on, but that would quickly degenerate into inane repetition of "I loved this and that and the other thing," so please take it as read that your whole story is awesome. :-)
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I really like all the myriad threads of canon you've worked into this, from The Magician's Nephew all the way to The Last Battle. I confess I wanted the Pevensies to realize that the Lord Digory from the creation myth was Professor Kirke, but of course they had no way to make that connection until they returned to England, since I doubt Digory and Polly ever used their family names in Narnia. (And it occurs to me now that that must have been a fascinating conversation, when they realized that the kindly if absentminded and distant professor who took them in was the same legendary figure who was responsible for bringing Jadis to Narnia. But that is very tangential to your story, sorry.)
I enjoyed seeing the first proper meeting of Susan and Lambert, as well as Peter's introduction to Dalia and Merle as a youngster. You also make the relative ages of the siblings quite clear, with Peter and Susan having most of their reference points back in England, Edmund kind of half and half, and Lucy treating Narnia as her only normality.
I could go on, but that would quickly degenerate into inane repetition of "I loved this and that and the other thing," so please take it as read that your whole story is awesome. :-)