Queen Lucy, the Firebird, and the Death of Koschei the Deathless - for <user site="livejournal.com"

[nfe-gremlin.livejournal.com]

Title: Queen Lucy, the Firebird, and the Death of Koschei the Deathless
Author: edenfalling/Elizabeth Culmer
Recipient: rthstewart
Rating: G
Possible Spoilers/Warnings: none
Summary: In which Queen Lucy of Narnia and Princess Elena of Vinyedvyeri go on a quest to defeat Koschei the Deathless, rescue Elena's brothers, and incidentally get Lucy back home after she was carried off by a magical bird.
Author's Notes: You have no idea how many Russian folktales I read to get the right rhythm for this. It was fun research, but eesh, Aleksandr Afanasyev collected everything including the kitchen sink -- and then the kitchen stove for good measure. The name Vinyedvyeri is kinda-sorta derived from what online translators and Wikipedia's Russian alphabet page tell me are the words for "beyond" and "door," but for god's sake do not take me as a linguistic authority. (Also, if you think you see a stealth crossover in here, you are probably right. *grin*)

Queen Lucy, the Firebird, and the Death of Koschei the Deathless

In a certain kingdom in a certain land there lived two brothers and two sisters, and they ruled as kings and queens together. One day the two queens went riding near the sea when a firebird swooped down like a burning star and seized the younger queen into the air. Her sister shot a hundred arrows, but they burst into flames and the bird flew off unharmed.

The firebird carried the younger queen away to the northwest. It flew past the great cliff that marked the edge of the kingdom, past the hills of the Western Wild, past the dark forest, the stone mountain, and the nine rivers until it reached the land of Vinyedvyeri that lay at the foot of the Wall Around the World.

Queen Lucy drew her dagger and struck at the bird's feet until it cried out and let her fall. She fell down through the clouds, through the open air, through the tops of trees, until she struck the ground and lay senseless. After some time, a long time or a short time, she awoke and drank three drops of her magic cordial to heal her wounds. Then she looked around to see where she had come.

A road wound away through the forest, narrow and faint as if no one had passed that way for years. But any direction is better than no direction, so Queen Lucy began to walk.

She came to a fork in the road where a tall stone stood. On it was carved this message:

"Whoever takes the left-hand path will be cold and hungry. Whoever takes the middle path will have his horse killed but he will live in comfort. Whoever takes the right-hand path will be killed but his horse will live."

Queen Lucy said to herself, "I do not wish to die, and anything that would kill a horse might turn on me since I have no horse to satisfy it." So she took the left-hand path. She walked all day and all night, and by morning she was cold and hungry indeed.

As the sun rose, she came upon a wooden bridge where a girl sat washing her feet in the river. "The glory of the morning be upon you," said Lucy. "I am lost in this forest. What is the name of this land and how can I return to Narnia?"

The girl sprang to her feet, curtsied, and made the sign of a star. "The blessing of the Emperor-Beyond-the-Stars be upon you. This is Vinyedvyeri, the land beyond the door. Narnia is leagues and leagues to the southeast. How did you come so far from your home?"

"A firebird seized and carried me away," said Queen Lucy.

The girl made the sign of a star again. "This is a happy chance! My name is Elena and I am the daughter of the High Count. My eldest brother Ivan and my second brother Pierre both went in search of the firebird, which has been carrying away noble daughters from all across the land. But they were lost on their journeys so now I have come to rescue them."

"Well then, I will help you," said Queen Lucy, and she and Princess Elena continued along the narrow road.

They passed a fox with her paw caught in a trap and lying exhausted on the ground. By now they were very hungry and Queen Lucy drew her dagger, thinking that fox was not good to eat but better than nothing.

"Spare me, sisters," said the fox, opening her dark eyes. "I have kits at home in my den and it may be I can do you a favor someday."

Elena freed her from the trap, Lucy poured a drop of cordial to heal the wound, and they let the fox run free.

Later they passed a falcon with a broken wing, caught in a tangle of branches. Again Lucy drew her dagger, thinking that falcon was not much to eat but better than nothing.

"Spare me, sisters," said the falcon, raising her proud head. "I have chicks at home in my nest and it may be I can do you a favor someday."

Elena freed her from the branches, Lucy poured a drop of cordial to heal the wing, and they let the falcon fly free.

Later they passed a turtle with her leg caught in a weir, thrashing in the stream. Again Lucy drew her dagger, thinking that turtle was difficult to eat but better than nothing.

"Spare me, sisters," said the turtle, drawing her neck into her shell. "I have eggs at home in the bank and it may be I can do you a favor someday."

Elena freed her from the weir, Lucy poured a drop of cordial to heal the scrape, and they let the turtle swim free.

As the day grew old, a black rider on a black horse galloped past bringing night in his wake. Lucy and Elena blinked in the sudden darkness until they saw a faint light in the distance, shining through the forest.

"We should seek shelter there for the night," said Queen Lucy.

"But we must be careful, for anyone who lives in this forest may well be dangerous. You must be polite and do exactly what I say," said Princess Elena, and Lucy agreed.

When they came to the lighted clearing, they saw a little hut on chicken legs spinning and spinning around within a ring of spiked posts. Elena used a hairpin to unlock the gate and the girls slipped inside the fence. "Little hut, little hut, turn your back to the wood and your front to me," said Elena, and the hut obeyed.

The door slammed open and an old woman glared down at her guests. "Who comes to Baba Yaga's house? If you waste my time I'll bake you in the oven and put your skulls on my fence."

"We are searching for the firebird that seizes and carries away noble daughters, and for my brothers who went to stop it," said Elena.

Baba Yaga laughed and said, "The firebird is sent by Koschei the Deathless, a great magician who lives in a stone castle high in the mountains. He has set the noble daughters to be his maids and your brothers are turned into trees along with the other heroes who went to fight him. How do you mean to defeat a man who cannot die?"

"Nobody is truly deathless," said Lucy. "I have seen the White Witch of Narnia meet her end, and even gods can die. Please tell us how to defeat this Koschei and break his spells."

"What will you give me in return?" asked Baba Yaga.

"I will bring you blue roses from Koschei's garden, to make your special tea," said Elena.

"And I will give you nine drops of my cordial, which heals any hurt but death," said Lucy.

"That is a fair price," said Baba Yaga. "Now listen. There are two ways to gain immortality. Koschei the Deathless is rash but not a fool, so he did not steal an apple from the forbidden garden in the utmost west. Instead he hid his death in a needle, which is in an egg, which is in a duck, which is in a hare, which is in a chest that lies buried under the World Ash Tree. If you touch the needle to his head all his spells will shatter. If you break the needle he will die."

The girls thanked Baba Yaga and spent the night in her hut, sleeping on the stove. In the morning Baba Yaga kicked the oven to wake them and threw them out the door. She said, "A white rider on a white horse will pass heading west, then a red rider on a red horse. The first is the dawn and the second is the sun. If you are fast and clever, you can follow them to the World Ash Tree." Then Baba Yaga slammed the door and the little hut spun and spun until it spun right up into the air and flew away.

As dawn broke a white rider on a white horse galloped along the narrow road. As the sun began to rise, a red rider on a red horse followed him. Lucy and Elena seized hold of his saddle and clung to the stirrups as the horse flashed over the land. The saddle grew hotter and hotter until touching it was like touching fire itself, but still they held on.

Finally the rider stopped by a tall green hill at the end of a lake as blue as the sky. "Here is the World Ash Tree," he said, and his horse shivered and shook until the girls were flung to the ground.

There was a walled garden at the top of the hill, but when the girls climbed up they saw words written on the gates:

"Come in by the gold gates or not at all,
Take of my fruit for others or forbear.
For those who steal or those who climb my wall
Shall find their heart's desire and find despair."

So they went down the hill on the other side, where there was a little stream as blue as the sky, and beyond that the World Ash Tree. They crossed the stream and dug between the roots of the tree until they found a little chest all wrapped in iron. Elena unlocked it with her hairpin and a hare jumped out and ran away.

"If only we had a friend to chase the hare!" said Elena, and suddenly a fox ran up with the hare in her mouth.

"Now I have repaid your favor," said the fox.

Lucy cut open the hare and a duck sprang out and flew away. "If only we had a friend to chase the duck!" said Elena, and suddenly a falcon flew up with the duck in her claws.

"Now I have repaid your favor," said the falcon.

Lucy cut open the duck and an egg rolled out and fell into the stream. "If only we had a friend to fetch the egg!" said Elena, and suddenly a turtle swam up with the egg on her back.

"Now I have repaid your favor," said the turtle.

Lucy broke open the egg and handed the needle to Elena. "Now we must find Koschei's castle," said Lucy.

"That is easy," said the fox. "Wait here while I, the falcon, and the turtle return to Vinyedvyeri. We will spread word that two noble daughters are alone in the utmost west. Soon Koschei the Deathless will send the firebird to seize and carry you away."

So they did and after some time, a long time or a short time, the firebird swooped down like a burning star. It seized Princess Elena in one claw and Queen Lucy in the other and carried them away to Koschei's stone castle in the mountains.

When Koschei the Deathless came home from hunting, he ordered his new captives brought to the hall where he sat at his table, crunching bones and sucking the marrow. "You will be my maids," said Koschei to Queen Lucy and Princess Elena. "You will cook and clean along with the other noble daughters and if you can sing or dance, you will entertain me. If you run away, I will turn you into a tree in the courtyard as I've done to many girls and heroes before you."

"I can dance," said Lucy.

"And I can sing," said Elena. She began to clap her hands and sing an old song about how humans came to Vinyedvyeri through an enchanted door, fleeing the demons with painted faces and their terrible magic that destroyed whole cities with one blow. Lucy spun and spun and stamped her feet until Koschei stood from his table to join her, unable to resist the spell of the music and the dance.

Elena hid the needle that held Koschei's death in her hair as a pin and when he crossed near her, leaping and spinning and stamping his feet, she ran forward with it in her hand. Lucy seized his arms from behind and Elena pressed the needle against his forehead.

All the magician's power drained away. Suddenly a great noise rose from the courtyard as dozens of noble daughters and all the heroes who had come to save them changed from wood back into flesh.

Koschei the Deathless knew his power was gone, but he feared death more than anything in the world and that fear gave him strength. He wrenched his hands from Lucy's grip and seized the needle from Elena's fingers. But as he ran from the hall, the fire in the hearth blazed up in the shape of a bird and flew at him like a burning star.

The needle snapped from the heat and Koschei the Deathless fell to the floor, stone dead.

"Free, free, free!" sang the firebird in a voice like a trumpet. Then it flew away into the utmost east and was never seen again.

Princess Elena and Queen Lucy went into the courtyard and found Elena's brothers. "We have been sleeping for a long time, little sister!" said Ivan and Pierre.

"You would have slept forever if not for me and my friends," said Elena. Then the brothers and sister embraced, and all the noble daughters embraced their heroes, and they set off down the mountain toward the city of Vashnoi where the High Count lived, except for one hero who agreed to carry blue roses to Baba Yaga.

When they arrived in Vashnoi they found that Queen Lucy's brothers had come with an army in search of their sister, but when they saw her safe and sound they sheathed their swords and made merry. There was a great feast and all the kingdom was invited, and if they have not died they may still be feasting today.

---------------

"And that is how they tell stories in Vinyedvyeri," Lucy finished triumphantly.

Peter and Edmund exchanged an unreadable look, before the corner of Edmund's mouth quirked up in a reluctant smile. "I take it you learned from Princess Elena during those times you skipped over," he said, leaning against the closed door of the room they'd snuck into. Outside the feast roared on without them, music and laughter sifting around the edge of the doorway in tantalizing swirls.

Lucy shrugged, tapping her feet to the rhythm she could only faintly hear. "What else was there to do? Besides, nobody wants to hear how we made camp and fished for a week, or how Darya, Natalie, and Vasilissa got from Vinyedvyeri to the utmost west. Those are the boring parts."

"I still say it was irresponsible of you to join Princess Elena's quest instead of finding a village and sending word to Narnia," Peter said sternly, his arms still crossed in disapproval. "We only defeated the Witch with an army and Aslan's help. What did you think two people could do against a magician strong enough to control a phoenix?"

"But we weren't only two people," Lucy said. "We had help from Baba Yaga, from our three friends, from the red rider, and even from the firebird. And I'm sure Aslan wouldn't want us to turn away from people in need."

"Point for Lu," Edmund murmured. He winked at her with his left eye, the one Peter couldn't see.

"Also, now we have an alliance with Vinyedvyeri," Lucy said. "They have as much trouble with the giants as we do -- maybe more, since the ones in Harfang sound smarter than the ones in Ettinsmoor -- and now we can strike from the south and west at the same time."

Finally Peter sighed and uncrossed his arms. "What's done is done, and I suppose I would have done the same in your place. But if this ever happens again, use your dagger before the phoenix carries you out of the country. You have no idea how much trouble it was to track you through the woods and the Wild."

"But you did, and I did, and here we all are safe and sound," Lucy said, springing forward to hug her oldest brother. "It's a happy ending, Peter. Let's go enjoy it."

And so they did.

---------------------------------------------

The End

Original Prompt that we sent you: What I want: A happy ending, delightful characterization, and to laugh at least once
Prompt words/objects/quotes/whatever:
• Pagan and/or mythological influences;
• Steampunk, capers, banter and/or somebody doing something s/he shouldn't be doing but succeeding anyway (Narnia or Spare Oom);
• Adults and old souls in young bodies;
• A Narnia with creaky wheels, the faint smell of manure, grass stains, open windows, and lots of animal hair that everyone is too polite to comment upon
• Lucy as a Time Lord; Susan with Sarah Jane Smith; Peter, the Brigadier or Martha Jones and UNIT;
• Cross-over with the Bujold universe, either Chalion or Vorkosigan;
• A Golden Age > 15 years, so, therefore I'd love an AU look with adult Pevensies, OC consorts, and the next gen
• Similarly, I’d love a Spare Oom AU with a happily ever after and no train crash
• Polly, Digory, Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson (and maybe the Hound of the Baskervilles)
• Cranky talking beasts, including but not limited to:
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saltwater_crocodile
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pallas%27s_cat
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honey_badger

Comments

[rthstewart.livejournal.com]

And if you tell me that Ivan and Miles are NOT among the heroes frozen as trees, or that Ekaterin Vorvaynes Vorsoisson Vorkosigan is NOT telling this story of heroic a princess and Queen to her daughters, I refuse to believe it.

This was everything I most adore about fan fiction and the NFE. We get one world with a beloved character (oh Lucy, I love Lucy here) and then we mix it up with the Russian fairy tale and we get something new and transformative. The story is just perfect in its rhythms. I love the fairy tale plotting. It has a certain way it begins and a certain way it must progress and a certain way it must end -- with goodness and cleverness rewarded, good deeds rewarded, and evil defeated.

I spent time in Eastern Europe and so heard the tales of Baba Yaga and the Firebird. I am delighted that you wove these fairy tales into a cross over with Lucy as the co-heroine with the clever Elena. I think one of my favorite parts was indeed the approach to the hut on chicken legs and the "Turn your back to the wood and your front to me." This blending of forms to create something new is a delight and I smiled from ear to ear through the whole reading of it.

Also, I adore how you used the elements of TMN here, with the reference to the garden on the hill, the apple of life, and the quote on wall, as well as the wonderful weaving of the walled garden and apple with the World Ash Tree. This is again a wonderful melding of the Chronicles with folklore.

Thank you, mystery writer, for a wonderful fill to my prompt and a terrific story.

[edenfalling]

Lucy is awesome! Fairy tales are awesome! Two great tastes that taste great together! *is silly but also serious about that*

It had to be a Russian fairy tale in particular (because of Barrayar, of course), and the moment I decided on that I knew I needed to include Baba Yaga -- I mean, if Father Christmas and Bacchus are real in the Narnian world, how could Baba Yaga possibly not be real? The other elements were added as I read through Afanasyev's collection. I had actually thought of doing a Vasilissa the Beautiful sort of thing, but that didn't really fit Lucy's personality and I wanted more of an adventure quest, so I chucked in Koschei the Deathless as a convenient villain and then threw in the firebird for good measure, because who doesn't like firebirds?

The firebird was also a useful plot device to get Lucy into Vinyedvyeri -- originally I tried writing this in a more realistic style, with Lucy and Peter going on a diplomatic trip to Vashnoi and Lucy wandering off and joining Elena's quest because she was bored, but that wasn't quite clicking so I figured, why not go all the way with the fairy tale elements and write an actual fairy tale of my own? They're tricky to write in many ways -- that kind of ultra-compressed narration is harder than it looks, at least for me -- but as you say, there is the benefit of a strict form and a limited set of tropes, which gives the story an automatic outline and a sense of instant familiarity to readers.

The Narnian elements blended in a lot more smoothly than I'd expected. Lucy's cordial is pretty much an inexplicable magical potion (a venerable fairy tale trope!), and the walled garden and the World Ash Tree fit right in too. The World Ash Tree is from the American text of LWW, and is the location where the Deep Magic is written -- I think in the British text there is something about fire stones instead? -- but mostly I needed a tree for Koschei's death to be buried under and I figured I'd use one that already had magical significance in canon. :-)

[lauraandrews.livejournal.com]

Oh, lovely! I really liked the fairy tale form of this and the way you mixed Narnia and Russia so seamlessly :D And the bit at the end with Peter, Edmund, and Lucy.
I've read one story with Baba Yaga and I've read about Koschei the Deathless a long time ago (and don't remember how it ended). This whole thing was delightful. Thumbs up!

[edenfalling]

Thank you! Narnia mixes a lot more smoothly with fairy tales than I'd originally expected. :-) Baba Yaga turns up in all kinds of stories -- her role is generally to give the protagonist some magical item or piece of information. Sometimes she's a willing donor. Other times she must be tricked. But she's always dangerous, and dealing with her is sort of a test of character. I like her because she has a lot of "wicked witch" characteristics, but she's a much more nuanced and ambiguous figure and is always portrayed as someone worthy of respect.

Koschei shows up less often, but he's a stock figure as well -- the evil enchanter who carries off beautiful women to his castle, and is very hard to defeat.

[pencildragon11.livejournal.com]

asdfl;khasdf;lkj flail

Oh, I love this so, so much. It's got the rhythm and swing of an old folktale, down to the three Animal helpers, and the names are all Russian, and the Dawn and the Sun and the Night are horsemen and even gods can die and the firebird is a phoenix and Lucy's magic cordial is so fairy-taleish and the WORLD ASH TREE YESSSSS AND LUCY WITH A WILD NARNIAN FOLKDANCE. I love this.

Favorite line, don't know why: "Lucy spun and spun and stamped her feet until Koschei stood from his table to join her, unable to resist the spell of the music and the dance."

And the ending! The postscript, with the real sibling banter behind the "they sheathed their swords and made merry." Because of course it's more complicated in real life, and you communicated that there were boring bits while yet skipping them and keeping the magic and joy of the fairytale. Thank you, wonderful mystery writer!

[edenfalling]

WILD NARNIAN FOLKDANCES FOR THE WIN. :-)

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed the fic! Fairy tales are tricky to write but lots of fun, and yes, the story IS more complicated in real life -- which is one of two reasons the postscript is there. (The other reason is to signal that this is actually taking place in the Narnian world rather than being some standalone AU.)

[pencildragon11.livejournal.com]

YAYYY!

I think Lewis commented somewhere on the difficulty of writing fairy tales--it's odd, because they seem so simple. Anyway, I now want to find more stories about Baba Yaga and Russia. :-D

[lotl101.livejournal.com]

This is wonderful! Great job, mystery writer! I really enjoyed how you managed to weave the threads together. Though now I'm wondering what'll happen when they get to Spare Oom and hear the story this references. Hmmmm....

[edenfalling]

Thank you! I suspect their reaction to learning that Baba Yaga is a figure in Earth's folklore would probably be similar to their reaction to meeting Father Christmas in Narnia -- or possibly the reverse reaction? Anyway, I don't think they'd be shocked. Pleasant surprise (and Lucy impulsively exclaiming, "Oh, I met her once!") sounds about right. :-)

[pencildragon11.livejournal.com]

"Oh, I met her once!" LUCY I LOVE YOU.

[elouise82.livejournal.com]

Oh, I adore this. Utterly and without reservation. Two of my favorite things - Russian folklore and Narnia. How could I not love it?

I'm not sure which I love more, the way that you convey so much about the girls' characters with such sparse prose (BRILLIANT), or the way you seamlessly blend together the Russian fairy tales with the Narnian mythology, until I almost can't remember which characters and places and items are yours and which were Lewis's.

This story is a true gem; thank you for sharing it with all of us.

[edenfalling]

Thank you! Fairy tales (of whatever provenance) are dear to my heart, so it's always fun to have an excuse to play around with their tropes and patterns. I was surprised how well Narnian elements blended into the general atmosphere of fairy tale magic -- Lucy's cordial in particular seems as though it always belonged there. :-)

[ilysia-039.livejournal.com]

Oh, lovely! This is a wonderful story written in a great style- it toys with Lewis' own tone and the tone of the legend itself, yet manages to be unique and enjoyable and beautiful. Lucy's a fantastic heroine here, as always, and I love the blending of the legends.

[edenfalling]

Thank you! Lucy is very easy to write as a heroine -- she is very much the type of person to set out and make things happen rather than wait for things to happen to her. And fairy tale prose, while harder to write than it looks, is always fun to play with. :-)

[intrikate88.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is FANTASTIC. I love reading Russian fairy tales, and I feel like you really got the tone here- and Baba Yaga and Koschei! Lucy being one of the brave princesses out of stories like those is wonderful, and just like her. Thank you for writing this, it is truly amazing.

[edenfalling]

Thank you! I was originally planning to follow an extant fairy tale a bit more closely -- Vasilissa the Beautiful, to be specific -- but that didn't feel quite right for Lucy. She needed more of a classic adventure quest. So I took a bunch of tropes and some familiar figures and mixed them up into something that I hoped would feel new and familiar all at once.

[(Anonymous)]

Very nice.Great research and application. I always though of a possibility to cross Narnia and Russian folk tail world. I did indeed thought that it will be great to have another country right next to Narnia, but filled with Russian folktale's personages. ("Who did think it will be grate to use Gorynych in a welcome comity!? And who told Baba-Yaga that they plan to use her hut as bed-and-breakfast?!?!)
Rather uncontroversial usage of the Koschei's death needle, usually it is simply broken, but it gave a chance to girls to infiltrate his castle. Vorkosigan world is another nice hint too. I kind of tried to imaging how Edmund and Miles might interact. I always thought Miles might like to take Ekaterin to meet with dryads. Perhaps, Narnia is a Cloaked world in the Barrayar system with different physics laws (that world through the door that Einstein dreamed of) and its existence is a very high ImpSec secret, because there is a reason why Wormhole next to Barrayar collapsed, when 100 year winter started...
Thank you, it was kind of a surreal experience to find your story. I still feel a little bit like i just dreamed of it, not actually read it.

Hellen
(Elena in real world)

[edenfalling]

Thanks, I'm really glad you liked the story. :-)

There should be countries for all the folktales! If Narnia is western Europe with a flavoring of Greek and Roman mythology, Archenland is vaguely Celtic, and Calormen is influenced by the Arabian Nights, then why shouldn't Russian folktales, Japanese folktales, African folktales, Inuit folktales, and all the others have their own reality in the Narnian world?

(Anyone planning to use Baba Yaga's hut as a bed-and-breakfast would be advised to run away. Very, very far away, and very, very fast. *grin*)

Oooh, yes, of course Miles would want to introduce Ekaterin to dryads! And the idea that Jadis might have caused the Barrayaran wormhole to collapse is really neat. Someone should write that. It would be awesome!

[(Anonymous)]

This is an extremely clever story...I love the way the author captured the rhythm of the classic Russian Folktale (who could fail to appreciate the vivid firebird??? the deliciously menacing Baba Yaga???); the "rule of threes" that permeates the Folktale world--and yet managed to incorporate several elements that were simultataneously "Narnian," like Lucy's cordial; the talking beasts....the horses galloping to the "World Ash tree" and the scary villain who turns humans into trees..

Particularly delightful was the switchover from "Folktale mode" to interaction between the royal siblings in the final section!

This was a lovely piece; a triumph for the author, and definitely worthy of Rth Stewart!!!

Clio1792

[edenfalling]

Thank you! I was afraid the fusion of Narnian elements and fairy tale tropes would be terribly jarring, but it actually worked pretty smoothly. :-) I'm glad you liked the switch to more a realistic narrative style in the final section. I thought about putting a similar scene at the start, to make a more symmetrical frame story, but in the end I liked the fairy tale opening better on its own.

[mremre.livejournal.com]

So, so gorgeous! I love firebird stories in general, and Russian folklore in particular and the way you merged everything with Narnia just works seamlessly. I especially love the epilogue, because Peter and Edmund's reactions are my own for when I finish a fairytale. Bravo for your storytelling magic!

[edenfalling]

Thank you! Firebirds are awesome, and I'm glad the postscript scene worked for you!

[runesnspoons.livejournal.com]

I really liked this. The style of the story-telling is completely in line with that of fairy-tales and adds charm to an already charming story. Especially with the contrast of the end section of Lucy with her brothers. It's another fairy-tale convention, but that it drops the more simplistic style from earlier -- all of the little details about feelings and deliberations and facial expressions that are typical for modern writing but practically unheard of for old-fashioned fairy-tales -- really makes me wonder what's not talked about in the tale, and Lucy hints at it. I can't really comment on the faithfulness to Russian folklore and mythology, or even your glancing crossover, because I know nothing about them, but the really wonderful part is that I don't have to. Excellent job.

[edenfalling]

Thank you! Fairy tale style is harder to write than it looks -- or it is for me, at any rate; this story is the result of a fair bit of practice in other years and worlds -- but it's such fun to play with. One reason it's difficult is because it is so compressed, almost all extraneous detail stripped out until you're left with actions, dialogue, and the bare minimum of description. And a LOT of connective plot logic gets left out; things happen, but you aren't told HOW they happen or what makes them possible. Which is not something you can get away with nearly so easily when writing in a more realistic narrative style. *wry*

[snacky]

This was fantastic! I really loved how well you captured the rhythm of the Russian folktales - as someone who has read many, I say, excellent work! The story is simple, but so engaging, just like a good fairy tale should be. And I love the inclusion of Baba Yaga and the Firebird! Especially the trading they did with Baba Yaga - that was perfect. And you wove the Narnian elements into the folktale so skillfully - not one thing felt a bit out of place, from Lucy's cordial to the walled garden, to the World Ash Tree.

And the end, with Lucy and Peter and Edmund - Peter scolding and Edmund winking, and Lucy's insistence that no one wants to hear the boring parts! I loved it all. Just brilliant and such a fun read!

[edenfalling]

Thank you! If you read enough examples of a genre, it's not terribly hard to mimic the patterns. And it undoubtedly helps that I overdosed on fairy tales and mythology as a child -- I think I read every single one of Andrew Lang's collections, plus Grimm, Anderson, Afanasyev, abridged versions of Malory, children's collections of Greek, Norse, and Christian myths, and everything else I could get my hands on. So reading Afanasyev this summer was more a way to refamiliarize myself with the particular tropes and quirks of Russian folktales than to figure out what fairy tales sound like in general. In other words, I knew I had to include Baba Yaga and I wanted to make sure I portrayed her correctly!

I think Steven Brust is the one whose theory of how to write well is to leave out the boring parts. Obviously everyone has a different definition of what's boring, but that is clearly the principle on which folktales operate. :-)

[the_rck]

I love your use of fairy tale rhythms and motifs. Lucy acted very much like I would expect her to in those situations. She is 'the Valiant' after all. I particularly liked the bit at the end with Lucy and Edmund and Peter.

Thanks for writing!

[edenfalling]

Thank you! Lucy makes an excellent questing heroine. :-) And I love sibling relationships, so the little postscript scene was a lot of fun to write.

[linneasr.livejournal.com]

Very, very well done! Congratulations! I know the story of the Three Zoryas, so I was happy to see the White Rider and the Red Rider, and the tone of the Russian Fairy Story - you got it down perfectly! Excellent response to a challenging prompt.

[edenfalling]

Thank you! The three riders -- white for the dawn, red for the sun, and black for the night -- are an element I found intriguing in a couple tales that involve Baba Yaga. They seem pretty clearly to be part of a religion that was turned into folklore by the adoption of Christianity, so I thought they would work well as part of rthstewart's request for pagan or mythological elements. (Also, they are just neat. *grin*)

[animus-wyrmis.livejournal.com]

Omg Liz this was super awesome. I looooove your style, and I love Lucy's little meta comment about how no one wants to hear about washing the dishes, and I really just love seeing Lucy ON QUESTS OF AWESOME and LADIES IN NARNIA DOING COOL THINGS and basically everythig about this is A++++.

And the Garden and the World Ash Tree also! I LOVE THAT YOU THREW THOSE IN, I've always wondered about them.

[edenfalling]

Thank you! Someday I will properly write you that story where Lucy and Susan go on a quest to remove Jadis's taint from the place where the Tree of Protection grew, because sisters going on awesome quests in Narnia is definitely a thing we need more of. :-)

I figure that the World Ash Tree must be an actual tree, so why not put it near the other magical trees we know of in canon? And now that I have decided upon its location, I confess I am reusing it in my "what Jadis did between MN and LW" fic that I have been attempting to finish for three years now. MAGICAL TREES ARE COOL, OKAY? They just are.